Has your SO ever tried to play a joke on you and it totally backfired on them? They started out with the purest of intentions but something went awry and you both end up hurt.
It's not a paranoia, but I have a decent healthy fear of sexual harassment. In college I dealt some with it, as I think most girls (and some guys) have. I can take any joke you throw at me... unless it has to do with that area, then you've crossed that line.
Recently I had a close friend get a new cell number and start texting me from it, pretending they were someone else. The texts weren't blatantly sexual, but somewhat suggestive. Things that I would be ok with a close guy friend of mine saying... but not with some strange guy I don't know. I was terrified and calling different people trying to find out who in the world this was. Mainly calling one of my closest friends trying to let them know... only to find out later it was them doing it.
First, I felt like an idiot for making such a big deal out of it and then finding out it was only a joke.
Second, I felt mad they would put me through something like that where by the end after finding out I was crying and shaking so hard I could barely concentrate.
Third, I felt confused... When I found out from someone else who was doing it I honestly wouldn't believe them until I heard it directly from the person doing it.
Now... I'm not sure what to do to mend that trust in the relationship. I would give anything to go back how we were before all this happened. I care about them to much to hold this over their head or chew them out. But it threw me off enough and it was so unlike them that I'm not sure exactly what to do.
Have you ever had something like this happen to you?
What are some areas like that where you can not take a joke?
And most importantly...
What are some ways to mend the trust in that relationship?
Comments (5)
I wanted to take some time to respond to this because it requires a thorough answer. I've had friends play the occassional practical joke and I've taken jokes the wrong way. The example you provided, to me, does not apply to either.
Like real abuse victims, the actual statistics of any reported cases is skewed because of people who interpreted things wrong or who rely on the helpfulness of others to claim victim rather than actually deal with the situation. You don't fall into this category. I'm just making a point (I hope) about false claims and how they usually get dismissed because of the 'silly overreacting' feeling most victims feel in the afterthought process, it follows the path that somehow they deserved the abuse in the first place.
For this friend to think it would be funny to mysteriously harass you through a cell phone number you didn't know, that's not funny. That is creating a true terrifying experience for you. That trust is gone. It will take a long time to get that back. I'm less forgiving when it comes to stupidity, I have an allergy to it and choose to remove as many sources of it as I possibly can from my life.
This may not be the solution for you but I wouldn't lay blame at my own feet when the other party clearly is mainly at fault. You reacted the way any true 'victim' (I'm using the term loosely because I can't think of another word for what I'm thinking) would. I am in favor of chewing this person out anyway, if for no other reason than to let them know just how much their 'joke' has hurt you and your friendship and maybe they'll actually think before they act next time.
If I were you I would try to just ignore the whole incident and get on with your life after you tell this friend about how you felt about it and make sure they won't do it again.
Those kinds of things are always hard.... I hope things mend well. Thanks for the subscription!
first, i agree with the other commenters on this one... tell the person how the joke affected you and let them know it was not okay. nobody should have to be put through that.
second, thank you for your comment. to tell you the truth... the only downfall to my person is they are quite possibly the only person in this world that i cant read. i've tried, trust me. basically the only way to get this person to really tell you about how they feel is to get them drunk... and guess what? they quit drinking... so, i'm kinda stuck. all in all, i'm starting to move on... bit by bit. piece by piece. thank you for your encouragement!
love,
calleycat.
Jokes gone wrong certainly test your relationship. That particular joke was NOT considerate and I sincerely hope your SO learned his lesson! The way you both respond to this will make or break your relationship and determine how strong you both are in the long run. Stay strong and be real with him!