breakingthemold's Datingish

First Relationships Lasting?

Sun, 24 May 2009 02:18:23 GMT

"It's not going to work."

I looked at my old youth pastor and wondered what gave him that confidence. We were talking about a college guy in the church who had recently started his first real relationship. Of course the guy was all into the relationship and was already planning on marrying the girl in the future. Our old youth pastor wasn't as convinced though because, "Everyone has their heart broken at least once. It takes the first relationship to realize what you like and don't. I know ______ is excited about the relationship now, but eventually it's going to break off and he's going to have his heart broken, but he'll come out the stronger because of it."

This got me thinking, what he said was true for at least my case. I was very into my first real relationship, but when it broke off, it helped me realize what I needed in a guy and what I didn't. With all my friend's its been the same.

But then again I've seen couples who haven't dated at all before their life partner and from all view points the relationship seems strong and healthy.

What are the chances of your first relationship lasting for a lifetime?

A Flirting Politician, How Can You Tell?

Sun, 26 Apr 2009 20:51:42 GMT

For weeks I've walked around campus seeing various flyers for the candidates running for positions in student government. President, Vice President, Representative, Andrew, Nathaniel, Catherine, etc... Eventually the names run all together right? Until they come to life...

"Hi, my name is _______." I look up into a talking poster. Ok not really, but a face that has been plastered across the walls recently was now standing in front of me, talking. The conversation was short, but he seemed a nice enough guy. I invited him to a student organization meeting a few days later and he said he'd come but I seriously doubted it. I mean elections are a week away, of course he had to say he'd come right?

But he did! We ended up talking for an hour after the meeting ended and I kept thinking, "Wow he really is a nice guy." But that is when reality hit... I was totally being campaigned.

Elections were in less than a week at that time, and I was involved in a department he had never touched really before with campaigning. My "duh" moment of why he was being so nice really was revolutionary. I left shortly thereafter, saying I had voice lessons (dismissing the fact they didn't start for another half hour) and breathed a sigh of relief.

But that's what politicians are supposed to do right? Like everybody, smile a lot, have everybody like them so you can get their votes. I don't have a problem with that, I really don't. So I proceeded the friendship with that in mind.

So Eeections have come and gone (he won) and though the email messages have slowed down, they're still there. I don't think he's flirting or interested (there's an eight-year age difference between us and vastly different belief systems as far as I can tell) but it made me start to think, how in the world can you tell if someone who is a politician or has a politician like personality is really interested in you or just "doing their job?" They HAVE to like everybody, so when do you know when it's different with you? Have you ever been in this situation (in either position?) What did you do and how did it turn out?

I'm BACK!

Sun, 26 Apr 2009 20:44:49 GMT

Ok guys, I know it's been way to long since I blogged! Months have gone by, but I'm back in the game (at least for now.) Keep an eye out for some upcoming posts that have been brewing in my mind for the past while!

Would You Be With Someone Who Had A "Physical Handicap?"

Fri, 09 Jan 2009 13:18:43 GMT

The couple was excitedly discussing their baby that was due to be born in a few months. The husband and wife had been married for years but the wife had only just been able to get pregnant. However the topic they were discussing wasn't whether the child was a boy or girl, it was whether the child was going to be deaf or hearing. See the wife was hearing, while the husband was deaf.

This combination made me start thinking. I'm a sign language interpreter and love being involved in the deaf community, and people have asked me from time to time if I would consider being with a man who was deaf.

My answer? I don't see a problem with it. My only hesitation is that I'm also a music major and music is one of the "loves" of my life. I can't imagine having a life not being able to completely share that with someone. Other than that though, I would not have a problem marrying a deaf man. I've seen some of the struggles involved in this by watching a few couples around me and though in some areas it would be difficult, I'm comfortable enough in the language that I think we'd just have the same problems as any other relationship, just maybe shown in different ways.

What about you? Have you ever seen or been involved in a couple like this?

What about other things people call "physical handicaps?" Would you be with someone who was deaf? blind? had a physical deformity?

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 17:03:17 GMT

"No I won't go out with you.... Now what?"

Wed, 24 Dec 2008 01:54:01 GMT

"So yeh... ummm.... wanna start going out? Like together? Date?"

My mind stopped and started as I recovered from complete shock. The guy was really cool... but not someone I could see myself working with long term. So I said no and explained why and he accepted that.

But what now? I explained I didn't believe in dating "for the fun of it" and it was obvious he and I wouldn't work together as a couple (because of beliefs and lifestyles and what-not) but as friends we're awesome. He's been a little more reserved though than he was before and I'm just wondering how I'm supposed to act to make him more comfortable. I asked some of my guy friends about it and they were like "Well yeh it'd be a little awkward but I'd still hang out with a girl who turned me down if she was a good enough friend before hand." But then again a lot of things are easier said than done. Should I wait for him to make the first move to hang out again? Or should I instigate the next invite to get together?

Guys do you feel awkward when the girl who has turned you down still wants to hang out?

Girls, how do you act towards a guy you just turned down?

Broke Up Because of Religion - But Still In Love

Sun, 14 Dec 2008 00:38:50 GMT

"I love him... but I won't compromise."

My heart broke for my friend, but my respect for her grew as well. Last year she dated a mutual friend of ours only for a month, but it was long enough for her to fall head over heels in love. The problem? She's christian, he's mormon. And she realized she couldn't live with that and broke off the relationship a month into it.

The problem, is now it's a full year later. He's moved on and is dating someone else. She on the other hand is still hopelessly in love with him. Everything else fit between the two of them, except religion. I for one grew up in a split religion home and it wasn't cool. I praised her for making that choice to split up even though she sincerely didn't want to. But she can't move on with anyone else either.

They're still friends though, which is something I questioned her about. She said she wants to win him to Christianity first and foremost, then maybe date him later. I understand she cares about him and wants to see him in church, but the fact she still wants to date him makes me cautious to encourage their friendship. I think she's just hurting herself even more and will find it even harder to move on with someone else with those ties still so strongly attached.

What would you do in this situation?

Would you break up with someone solely because of religious reasons?

(Note: This is not intended to be a debate about christianity/mormonism/any other type of religion. Please do not make it into one.)

"This Isn't Going Anywhere Right...?"

Fri, 28 Nov 2008 16:29:19 GMT

My palms start sweating and I swear he can hear my frantic heartbeat that is speeding up with each second. "So umm... yeh I was wanting to... yeh... umm.." As I stutter on he's looking at me with this quizzical confused expression. "Well see I was just wanting to clarify that.. yeh, that um... our friendship is... well, you know... it's not going to a...... relationship right?"

ENDING A: He starts laughing and goes "Yeh it's all cool, wasn't even going there." So we both laugh it off and go about our lives "happily ever after."

ENDING B: He forces a smile, "Sure yeh, that's fine." But for the rest of the night he's kicking himself for hoping there could be something when obviously now I wasn't interested.

ENDING C: "Well actually... I was kinda hoping there could be a chance with us. Can we at least give it a shot?" More awkwardness follows.....

That fateful conversation between two friends, which could break the friendship or make it extremely awkward. But it's needful. One doesn't want to be leading the other on making them think there could be a relationship when there really isn't any chance. But how in the world do you clarify that with the awkward situations described above?

Have you ever had one of these types of conversations?

What is the best way to go about bringing this topic up?

Songs That Describe Your Relationship Perfectly

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 17:32:08 GMT

Writing my last post I was laughing at one of the main songs me and my ex shared, "Write This Down" by George Strait. This song is a breakup song and really describes our relationship/breakup PERFECTLY! I initiated the breakup and he really didn't have much notice about it. In our relationship he would focus mainly on the chorus and skip over the parts about the girl leaving. But after the breakup I read over the lyrics and was amazed at how perfectly all the lyrics fit from his point of view.

"I never saw the end in sight; fools are kind of blind.
Thought everything was going alright, but I was running out of time.
'Cause you had one foot out the door, I swear I didn't see
But if you're really going away, here's some final words from me.

Baby, write this down, take a little note to remind you in case you didn't know,
Tell yourself I love you and I don't want you to go, write this down.
Take my words, read 'em every day, keep 'em close by, don't you let 'em fade away,
So you'll remember what I forgot to say, write this down.

I'll sign it at the bottom of the page, I'll swear under oath
'Cause every single word is true, and I think you need to know,
So use it as a bookmark, stick it on your 'frigerator door,
Hang it in a picture frame up above the mantel where you'll see it for sure.

Baby, write this down, take a little note to remind you in case you didn't know,
Tell yourself I love you and I don't want you to go, write this down.
Take my words, read 'em every day, keep 'em close by, don't you let 'em fade away,
So you'll remember what I forgot to say, write this down.

You can find a chisel, I can find a stone.
Folks will be reading these words, long after we're gone.

Baby, write this down, take a little note to remind you in case you didn't know,
Tell yourself I love you and I don't want you to go, write this down.
Take my words, read 'em every day, keep 'em close by, don't you let 'em fade away,
So you'll remember what I forgot to say, write this down.

Oh I love you and I don't want you to go, baby write this down."

Looking at other relationships/friendships I see songs that fit perfectly there too. "Soulmate" by Josh Turner, "God Bless The Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts, "Come Cryin To Me" by Lonestar, "I Never Needed You" by Lonestar, etc... (In case you can't tell, yes I am a country music fan. Love me or hate me for it, I really don't care. ) Have you ever had a song like that? Where everything just "fit" perfectly as if it was written for you and another person?

Songs That Should Be "Boxed Away"

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 17:21:05 GMT

"I wanna live in a house like that
Where love wears out our welcome mat
And our hearts know that's where it's at
I wanna live in a house like that
Live with you in a house like that
(Loving you in a house like that)"

He smiled at me as "House Like That" by Donovan Chapman came on the radio in the car. "It's very true. I can't wait to love you in our own house..." I tried to smile and and couldn't really come up with a reply and was thanking my lucky stars when he turned his eyes back to the road. I didn't want him to see the mixture of confusion and thoughts running through my head. "Then why am I having such a hard time picturing you with that song...?"

That song was one I shared with someone else the year before. We weren't dating, but we were both interested in each other and that song was one of the last we shared together before I told him it would never work between us. Despite having never been in an official relationship, there were several songs that reminded me of him and that we had shared together. Even in another relationship I couldn't forget them and shake that connection.

Are there some songs that should be "boxed and put away, never to be used again" as one datingish reader put it?

Or does it show you've completely gotten over someone when you can listen to one of your old songs and not skip over it?